Post by Sam Vaknin
Folks suffering from the Avoidant Personality Disorder feel inadequate, unworthy, inferior, and lacking in self-confidence. As a result, they are shy and socially inhibited. Aware of their actual (and, frequently, imagined) shortcomings, they are continuously on the lookout, are hypervigilant and hypersensitive. Even the slightest, most constructive and nicely-meant or helpful criticism and disagreement are perceived as complete rejection, ridicule, and shaming. Consequently, they go to wonderful lengths to avoid situations that call for interpersonal contact - such as attending school, making new friends, accepting a promotion, or teamwork activities. Hence the Avoidant Personality Disorder.
Inevitably, Avoidants find it tough to establish intimate relationships. They "test' the prospective friend, mate, or spouse to see no matter whether they accept them uncritically and unconditionally. They demand continue verbal reassurances that they actually wanted, desired, loved, or cared about.
When asked to describe Avoidants, individuals often use terms such as shy, timid, lonely, isolated, "invisible", quiet, reticent, unfriendly, tense, risk-averse, resistant to change (reluctant), restricted, "hysterical", and inhibited.
Avoidance is a self-perpetuating vicious cycle: the Avoidant's stilted mannerisms, fears for her personal safety and security, and stifled conduct elicit the really ridicule and derision that he or she so fears!
Even when confronted with incontrovertible evidence to the contrary, Avoidants doubt that they are socially competent or personally appealing. Rather than let go of their much cherished self-image, they often develop persecutory delusions. For instance, they may regard honest praise as flattery and a form of attempted manipulation. Avoidants ceaselessly fantasize about ideal relationships and how they would outshine every person else in social interactions but are unable to do anything to recognize their Walter Mitty fantasies.
In public settings, Avoidants tend to maintain to themselves and are extremely reticent. When pressed, they self-deprecate, act overly modest, and minimize the value of their skills and contributions. By doing so, they are trying to preempt what they think to be inevitable forthcoming criticism by colleagues, spouses, family members, and pals.
From the entry I wrote for the Open Web site Encyclopedia:
The disorder affects .5-1% of the general population (or up to 10% of outpatients observed in mental clinics). It is typically comorbid with certain Mood and Anxiety Disorders, with the Dependent and Borderline Personality Disorders, and with the Cluster A personality disorder (Paranoid, Schizoid, and Schizotypal).
About the Author
Sam Vaknin ( http://samvak.tripod.com ) is the author of Malignant Self Enjoy - Narcissism Revisited and Following the Rain - How the West Lost the East. He served as a columnist for Central Europe Review, Global Politician, PopMatters, eBookWeb, and Bellaonline, and as a United Press International (UPI) Senior Company Correspondent. He was the editor of mental health and Central East Europe categories in The Open Directory and Suite101.
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